Alcohol is a Solution
by Hatter of Madness
Summary: Haymitch just has to prove to Katniss that she is not always right. Extremely AU drabble, set around the beginning of Catching Fire. Rated T for language.


**~*~Alcohol is a Solution~*~  
by Hatter of Madness**

* * *

"Haymitch, wake up," Katniss hisses in Haymitch's ear. He ignores her, rolling back into the oblivion that is sleep. God, how he loves sleep. Second only to alcohol.

God, how he loves alcohol.

"Whatever. You obviously don't want to be awake," Katniss says, turning to leave the room.

And with her gone, Haymitch wakes up fully. Triple checking that she isn't coming back anytime soon, he starts to rifle through his drawers. He knows he has some alcohol _somewhere. _Then, he finally finds it, unscrews the cap, and throws it back. Ah, he loves the taste of vodka in the morning.

"You really shouldn't be doing that."

He snaps his head down, wiping off some stray liquor from his chin with his arm. "What're you doing here again, princess?"

"I heard a noise. Just checking that you hadn't fallen out of bed again."

Again.

She _had _to say that it had happened before.

"That was one time that happened, and you know it," Haymitch snaps, slamming the (now capped) bottle down on his dresser. "Don't you have school?"

"There's a joke."

Katniss and Peeta both have been truant from school no less than sixteen times in the past three months. In all fairness, though, Peeta has a better track record than Katniss, who once ditched an entire week because she "just wasn't feeling it". Haymitch doesn't understand their aversion (probably skipping to go make out in the woods or something, no doubt), but he never questions it—at least, not out loud. He knows that Katniss can be just as violent as him when provoked.

"What a fine example you're making for your sister."

"Buzz off."

Bringing Prim into a discussion always infuriates Katniss. Thus, Haymitch is sure to do it often. "Trying to."

"You're no role model yourself, you know," Katniss says, literally strutting slowly around the room. "What is that you're drinking? Beer? Wine?"

"Vodka, actually." He reaches for the bottle before realizing it's empty. Instead, his hand falls to his side in a fist. "Why don't you and Peeta go and, I don't know…burn some stuff. From what I hear, fire is catching."

"How did I get stuck babysitting you?" Katniss asks, grabbing the now empty bottle off the dresser. She studies it, then lets it slip from her fingers onto the floor, where it shatters.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Haymitch asks, jumping out of the way as the glass flies everywhere.

"Alcohol is not a solution," she says, slamming her book bag (which Haymitch assumes she hasn't actually used in the better half of a week) into his chest. "And I actually was planning on going to school today. But it looks like I have to put you down for a nap."

"The hell you do," he says, throwing the bag onto his bed and ripping his shirt off. Katniss doesn't even flinch.

_She's improving, _he thinks with a smirk, recalling the first time he bore it all for her. She had gasped, recoiling at the foul stench that immediately filled the room—and the tattoo of a bunch of grapes on his chest. When she asked him about it, his response was, "I was a _little_ intoxicated, and I just remember thinking at the time—'I really love wine'."

"And why don't I?" she questions.

"I'm doing it myself." He practically falls backwards onto the bed, narrowly avoiding Katniss's bag. She sighs, shaking her head, and goes back into the kitchen.

_Note to self,_ he thinks. _Fix the lock._

Boredom strikes quickly after she leaves the room, so he starts to look through her school bag. There are the usual things, of course—paper, books, a pencil or two—and then there are the not so usual—tissues, a bag of rubber bands, empty pill bottles (well, Haymitch knew that she had some kind of narcotics issue). But his eyes fall on a tattered thing, falling apart and held together with quite a bit of tape.

He pulls it out roughly to find that it is a chemistry book, with a fading blue cover and silver letters that, in the lack of light, look almost yellow or brown. Curiosity gets the better of him, and he starts to flip through its pages, seeing what it is that Katniss is (or is supposed to be) learning.

She's written all over the margins. While she is a truant more often than not, she doesn't strike Haymitch as a vandal, and he knows that this book is school property. There are stupid things in the margins, too. She's added little notes like 'kill me' and 'Mrs. Nutch is a nut'. And there are doodles, doodles such as a woman (presumably Mrs. Nutch herself) with the eyes gouged out with a pencil, little hearts and things.

He feels like vomiting when he sees a heart with the words 'Mrs. Peeta Mellark' scribbled in hastily, though it doesn't look much like her handwriting. He flips the page, arriving at a section titled _Solutions: Solvents and Solutes._ At the top of the page, these three words are defined:

_What is a solution? A solution is a homogeneous mixture of one or more solutes dissolve in a solvent._

_What is a solute? A solute is a substance that dissolves in a solvent to produce a homogeneous mixture. A solute can be anything (a solid, liquid, or gas)._

_What is a solvent? A solvent is a substance in which a solute dissolves to produce a homogeneous mixture._

Haymitch runs out into the kitchen, clutching the book. Peeta is there now, too, and he and Katniss are embraced in either a passionate exchange or a very cooled argument. He can't quite tell which, but at the moment, he doesn't care.

Katniss looks up, groaning. "What do you want now, Haymitch?"

He shoves the book under her nose, pointing at the definition of a solution haughtily. Katniss stares at him with an expression of disbelief (at the fact that he actually wants her to learn something today).

"I told you alcohol was a solution."

* * *

**Okay random drabble… I know that by definition, alcohol is not technically a solution, but this really isn't supposed to make sense. It was just Haymitch trying to one-up Katniss and um yeah.**

**- Hatter of Madness**


End file.
